May 2009
And so I’m trying To hold it all together...
i miss you
i’m starting realize how much i use the phrase “i miss you.” i think about how many times i say it and my heart drops a little. then i think about how many times i feel it and don’t say it and my heart breaks a little.
everyone around me is disappearing. moving on to new things in their lives. and i feel like they’ve become my family. so i’m happy to see them...
i guess i just got tired of being the last thing...
i wish i was as selfish as you. because then, right now when i’m about to lay my head down to sleep, i know your face wouldn’t be the last thing i’m going to see.
and it isn’t because you’re laying next to me. it’s because you never leave my mind. so the more i try to push it out of my head, the more it seems to come back to me again. but i don’t call...
optimistic to a fault
Any second I would sing you to sleep With kind words in mind and hearts on the sleeve Leave nothing to chance and everything behind Second chances pave the way to broken hearts This is the moment where I tell you that I’m falling apart And I’m stuck in reverse between the same damn lies
Oh no, there I go, optimistic to a fault Go home, you can never go again When anything at...
this reminded of a time that was so long ago.
We found a house with a yard And moved all of my things And then most of your things in And honey I was proud of it Honey I was proud of, you You quote the Good Book, When it’s convenient But you don’t have the sense, No you don’t have the sense To tie your tangled tongue Instead you’re slashing through the mud Some boxes, that Hand-me-down couch, and chair That used to be...
“I’d like to be a note. The kind you could sing but don’t because...”
– “sink into me” by taking back sunday
i could give you fifty reasons why i should be the...
i think you already know what every single one of them would be.
this hole in my chest keeps growing and growing. i just need to hear the words from you. i need you to tell me you’re okay. and that you don’t miss me anymore. then i’ll hold myself together. patch it all up inside. and i’ll be able to say i’m okay. i don’t miss you anymore.
“And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop...”
– Taylor Swift (everything this girl says applies to my life for some reason and i hate it.)
everytime it rains i feel your hold in me.
my friend gary once told me that. gary was a beautiful boy, who my best friend susan dated briefly. when I say brief, I mean like one month brief our freshman year of high school. I think they saw each other twice since they went to separate schools.
two years after susan and gary last spoke, I found myself with a crush on gary, and he liked me back. susan was furious despite the fact she was in...
checkmate.
i’m afraid of the future. and i’m only scared because i know, there is a very good possibility you won’t be a part of mine anymore.
not by my choice. i just can’t seem to figure out the game you want to keep playing. after all this time we should be able to be black and white. we keep living amongst the gray. and sometimes it’s fine for a few days. then the...
<3
love notes.
I am still learning how to forget about you, but everything here is yours. You would have loved it, maybe even loved me, loved who it has made me become. I don’t know why I expected that I could count on you.
It’s not that I’m selfish or even hard-hearted. I’m just never sure when I believe you, or if I ever should any way.
windows down and a cd playing
today was a really good day. i went to jessica’s to stay with emily while she was house sitting. we slept in late. then went to the beach. i love the ocean. the waves were huge and the sun was shining.
i drove home listening to single file with the windows down. i felt like i was back in california. then i realized, this was so much better than california.
:)
i want to be amongst the lucky ones.
Every once in a while people step up, they rise above themselves. Sometimes they surprise you, and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes. It can push pretty hard, but if you look close enough you find hope in the words of others, in the bars of a song and in the eyes of someone you love.
And if you’re lucky, if you’re the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person...
“i’d rather see you once a year than someone else seven days a week.”
Watchposting this for one reason only: lucy pointed out to me that aaron is playing the lead boy. and i think that’s awesome. i miss the friends i made on tour.
“And I wanna be somebody else now. And I wanna feel like I’m not scared....”
– matt nathanson
text messages
thank you my old california past for being honest for once in your life.
i finally am understanding.
so you haven’t told me, but i heard from someone else you’re doing good, so i can finally rest my head tonight.
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,...
“I tried to do handstands for you, but everytime I fell for you. I’m...”
– chairlift
i keep working on forgetting you.
i’ve buried the memories:
i’ve stopped speaking to you. removed you from my contact list. took down all your photographs. erased any saved text messages.
yet tokens of you keep showing up where i forgot you ever existed:
in the back of my closet. in my dresser drawers. pictures on my cell phone. emails in my saved folder.
so i keep adding things to the box of you & me....
“sometimes we put people up on pedestals who don’t ask to be put there....”
– jules schneider
everywhere.
they played your song during dinner today. it took everything to not cry.
i used to know the person singing that song. but who you’ve become isn’t anyone i want to know.
goodbyes have never been my strong suit.
If I could sing this out loud, I'd scream it to the clouds,
And everyone in this town would know what I'm about.
Rather die than feel this pain take me over again,
It's so hard to let you go...
“the last time i saw you, you turned...
Can we talk this over, at least just for tonight? I asked myself one hundred times why… Did [I] even bother? Why did [I] even try? But I miss you more than I did before, I showed you my heart and you showed me the door. Your subtle hands, I’m catching wind how insincere are your finger prints. So make me promises, [boy], the kind I know you can’t keep And while I’m losing...
you're so last summer.
yeah, i guess i could miss you. but it really wouldn’t be worth anything would it? it isn’t like any of it matters. i’m a distant memory. you’re a constant reminder. all i ever did was the best i could. so go head, throw it away, forget yesterday.
”she said:
‘don’t, don’t let it go to your head boys like you are a dime a dozen, boys like you are a...
“ [you’re] soaking in sympathy
from friends who never loved you
nearly...”
– taking back sunday
“would it kill you to be honest once in awhile?”
– “dear meghan” by single file 