i go to seek a Great Perhaps

It’s 3 a.m. and I am still awake. This is unfortunate because regardless of what time I fall asleep, my alarm clock is still going to go off at 8:45 a.m. I do not get to change this just because my eyes don’t want to close.

I’ve been sleeping so well the past few weeks. It’s actually been unusual. I have a very different “normal” in regards to sleeping. I didn’t think twice about it until now. The thing that is different about tonight is that I barely spoke to you today. I don’t want to think the two are related, because that would just be silly. I’ve spent years not talking to you. And it would also be silly because I’m not up late pondering. I did some work I brought home with me, cleaned up my room, read a lot, etc.

I just feel a little restless I suppose. I’ve felt a bit more calm this past month or so. And maybe that’s just me getting things sorted or maybe that’s the effect you have, I really don’t know.

What I do know is that you and I are friends who talk quite frequently. More recently, you’ve been the person I talk to last before bed. That’s always a special place for a person to be, even as a friend. Perhaps our conversations settle me a little bit more. I’m not an easy person to settle, so it would make sense that you could. I’m not saying anything bold with that statement. It’s just very matter-of-fact. I know where I stand with you, and I know that my place in your life is a friend. But I did miss talking to you today. If that counts for anything.