i go to seek a Great Perhaps

Played 120 times

Note: I originally wrote this as a song of the week for something else, not my personal blog. Unfortunately, it wasn’t able to be posted, but I was encouraged by a wonderful woman (and friend) to post it here. I figured I should listen to her since she is an editor and all.

“Jesus, Jesus”
Noah Gundersen

I was hesitant on writing about this song because I don’t want you to ignore it or skip over it, thinking it’s just religion being forced on you. That isn’t what this is. To me, this song is about more than Faith. It isn’t about if you believe or don’t believe. It isn’t about being a Christian. I’ll do my best to give it justice.

Jesus, Jesus, if you’re up there won’t you hear me?
‘Cause I’ve been wondering if You’re listening for quite awhile.
And Jesus, Jesus, it’s such a pretty place we live in,
And I know we fucked it up, please be kind.
Don’t let us go out like the dinosaurs
Or blown to bits in a third world war

There are a hundred different things I’d still like to do

I’d like to climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower
Look up from the ground at a meteor shower
And maybe even raise a family

This song is many things. It’s about love and listening. It’s about questions and answers and things missing. It’s about how we hurt those around us whether intentional or not. I love the line, “There are hundred different things I’d still like to do…” It reminds me of the goals I have, the wishes I’ve made and the things I want. It encourages me to move forward and not focus on the parts I don’t have right now. Friends are getting married, starting families, traveling the world. And while I have a lot, and I’m so thankful, it can be so much easier to focus on what isn’t.

Jesus, Jesus, there are those that say they love You
But they have treated me so Goddamn mean.
And I know You said ‘Forgive them for they know not what they do’

But sometimes I think they do

And I think about You

I think this is one of the truest parts. There are so many people out there who do absolutely terrible things with the intentions of hurting others. I struggle with how we lose amazing people every day to things like cancer, yet drug lords, pedophiles and murders often live long, sometimes prosperous lives. I don’t understand the weight of it or what it means, so I look for answers. I used to fight with God because of how much it angers me. I still get mad about the injustices of this world, but I don’t yell at God about it anymore. I believe it breaks His heart ten times more than it could ever break mine. 

If all the heathens burn in hell, do all their children burn as well?
What about the Muslims and the gays and the unwed mothers?
What about me and all my friends?
Are we all sinners if we sin?
Does it even matter in the end if we’re unhappy?

This song acknowledges how difficult it can be to proclaim something about yourself when others tarnish what it means to be that. I am disgusted on a regular basis by what others do under the guise of Christianity. And while I believe in God, that does not mean I support what so many others declare in His name. I don’t believe slapping the label “Christian” on something, makes it Christian, that God hates a single person on this planet, or that sexual preference should determine a person’s right to marry someone they love. So when others make their “God hates (insert label)” statements, I think of this song. It reminds me that I am not the only one who struggles with the confusion and anger associated with people who hide behind the words Christian and God in order to spread hate.

Jesus, Jesus, I’m still looking for answers

Though I know that I won’t find them here tonight

But Jesus, Jesus, could You call me if you have the time?
And maybe we could meet for coffee and work it out

And maybe then I’ll understand what it’s all about

Those lyrics are my favorite part. They are what have always struck a cord in me. It is a perfect summary of my struggle with unanswered questions, what justice is, the need for understanding, and a lack of Faith. I find it easy to believe. Faith is an entirely different story. 

Religion aside, at the end of the day, Jesus was a person. Whether you believe he was just someone who lived and then died, or He was a prophet, or the Messiah. He was still a human. Just as you are. Just as I am. For me, what this song is about at its core is wanting to know if someone is hearing us. It’s about wanting someone to listen when we talk. This song is a need to know if someone can explain the purpose of everything and wanting answers to the questions we don’t always know how to ask. It’s about knowing this all meant something.

And aren’t we all just looking for that?