i go to seek a Great Perhaps

I love you.

I spend so much time thinking, “If I can just hang in there, he’ll realize I’m the one.” I ignore the signs being sent to me because they are just tests I need to pass. I accept the excuses, dismiss the lies and believe it will be different. I know these are trials we’ll laugh about when telling our children how we came to be their parents. I want us and I will continue to wait because it will be worth it.

I loved you.

It could have been enough. It could have been a lifetime. I finally realized these aren’t tests I’m not passing. Instead, they are all the reasons why I needed to let go. I had to keep learning this hard lesson and having my heart broken because it was the only way I would come to understand that we are never going to build a life together. The disappointments, lies and lack of respect were there to teach me that I am capable of the deepest depths of forgiveness, but grace does not make me a doormat.

I love you.
I loved you.